Lady Douche

We at Douche in DC truly appreciate the art of equal-opportunity offensiveness. Hence finally taking the time to discuss the douchy ladies that inhabit this town. They're out there, just like the menfolk are.

As you can see above, the female douche who was submitted anonymously not only wears Madras (come on, really, do you want to take fashion nods from her?) And even though you dress like a clown threw up on your pants in the middle of a sailing escapade, the true crime here is the frequency with which you act like a complete clone.

You know the types... they travel in herds, they wear the same clothes, they visit all the same Hill bars, and they cackle like a group of hens. Most of them are either in DC or first came to DC on Daddy's dime, and you generally do things like drink too much and puke on the metro. Quite the peach there, sweetheart.

But truly, you can dress alike, spill your vodka tonic on our shoes and assume our boyfriends want you, but the true crime that you are guilty of is inflating the ego of the other douches. You have the art of female one-upmanship down to an art, and your desire to have the newest/cutest/tightest what have you only encourages more from other female douches. I mean truly, how much seersucker/madras/ sherbet colored clothing can one person wear?

When not competing, you are flirting with the male douches, making them think that all women want some sort of 160 lb. frat boy who is spending the semester away from his Northeastern University (which probably doesn't even have a football team, if that is any indicator of the kind of lame we're dealing with here). You let them buy you "RBV's", take you to "pound town" and they always come back for more, which you graciously give. Long and short of it, trade the Madras for some khaki, leave the lacrosse team alone, and don't waste your booze by spilling it all over the place at Cantina Marina. If you don't, you could make a huge mistake, like going home with a guy who looks like this...